Hello, my name is Phoenix Marshall.
A good friend of mine (you know who you are) has suggested to me that I share the story of my life as it happened over the course of 2009. Originally they thought I should write a book, however I am not a professional writer…which I’m sure will show in this account. Instead I decided to write my story in a brief, easy to follow format, that people can enjoy for free and hopefully learn a thing or two.
This Is My Story
In May of 2009 my mom was diagnosed with grade four type breast cancer. I won’t pretend to be a doctor but basically this is the most aggressive form of cancer there is. The prognosis wasn’t good.
The plan of attack was surgery to remove the tumor and lymph nodes followed by intense chemotherapy. My mom was a courageous woman and tough as nails, and it was during this final period of her life that I, for the first time ever, saw her afraid. Seeing her suffering and afraid upset me a great deal and still does to this day. She was a clean living woman who never smoked (and brought me up to also be a non smoker). She did nothing but give all her life. It wasn’t fair that she had to go through this.
Cancer is an ugly disease. After surgery, weeks of chemotherapy and an almighty struggle my mom lost her battle. I was at her bedside when she passed away and I’d like to think she was as comfortable as possible. Although I knew she was in a better place I felt like my heart and soul had been crushed. The woman who had been the cornerstone of my life was now gone.
Things Get Worse
For every bit as tough as my mom was I’m as weak. There’s certain Disney movies that still make me cry and I’m in my mid-thirties. It’s this emotional weakness that led me into a deep depression. At this point I’d like to note that during this ordeal I had a great wife and group of friends who did everything they could to help me. I was beyond help though. I know it will have pained my mom to see me like that but I had lost my will entirely.
During this time I took compassionate leave from my job as a business analyst. I never went back.
I had some money saved up but with bills to be paid this quickly drained away. To be honest I didn’t really care. I’d become a human slug, sleeping for 14 hours a day and living off snack foods. All this time my wife was under increasing pressure and I was doing nothing to help. After months of patience she finally gave up on me. She issued me an ultimatum…either I pull myself together or she was going to leave.
The next day she was gone.
A Flash of Inspiration
If I thought I was alone before, now I well and truly was. The days and weeks became a blur as time passed me by. There was more than one occasion where I seriously considered suicide. It was actually while I was in this frame of mind that I found something that helped me. It was at, of all places, Youtube. I was looking for something, anything that might take my mind of my state of like when I found a video which contained a relaxation hypnotherapy session.
It wasn’t much of a video really. Just a still image with audio. But what did I have to lose? I’d already lost everything I’d cared about, half of which was completely my own fault. So I closed my eyes…and something magical began to happen. For the first time in a long time I actually began to feel relaxed. The numb pain that permeated my entire being faded. In under ten minutes I felt…better. I was by no means “back to normal” but I recognised this could at least be the first step.
The next day I awoke with a focus. I now had a tool that I could use to overcome my depression and get my life back on track. What I didn’t have however was much money. I simply couldn’t afford to hire a hypnotherapist at the rates they charge. Again an internet search seemed to provide the answer. There are a number of websites which offer professional hypnosis sessions on MP3s or CDs at much more affordable prices.
However I made a mistake. In fact not just one mistake but several. I didn’t really do any research and I ended up buying numerous MP3s that I couldn’t feel a connection with. Not in the same way as I did that original video anyway. I had made small improvements but I still couldn’t even face leaving the house. This wasn’t too big a problem though as I wasn’t eating a great deal anyway.
In the shower (this was itself a great improvement as I had previously let my personal hygiene slip to a quite appalling standard) an image suddenly burned into my retinas. I don’t know who put that image there, if it was God or maybe my mom trying to contact me but I saw the image of the video that had previously bolstered my spirits. In this image I could see what appeared to be a blurred logo. It was too blurred to make out but the thought struck me “If this company makes videos then they might make MP3s too.”
I jumped out the shower, dried off and put on a clean set of clothes. Quickly I got to my laptop and went about finding this relaxation hypnotherapy video. Success! I found it and indeed there was the logo, only this time it wasn’t blurred - it was crystal clear. Even better was the link to the site and the confirmation that they did indeed sell MP3s. I saw a long list of sessions available and clicked on the first one that appealed to me. Something to boost my shattered confidence. There was a sample of the session which I listened to…it was the very same voice I’d heard earlier that had helped me to clear the fog which clouded my mind. I bought six MP3s in total which, I think, came to less than $50.
As soon as they arrived in my email I began to listen to them. I literally listened to all six back to back. They were quite short but they had me hooked and I listened to every word intently. I did this over the next week and day by day I could feel my depression, fears and worries melt away. Eventually I felt brave enough to leave the house and go shopping.
Guess who I met there…
“Comeback is a good word, man.” - Mickey Rourke
I could have chosen to go food shopping at any time, as could by wife. By strange happenstance though we were in the same place at the same time. When I saw her my heart went on a rollercoaster of emotions. In once instance it swelled with love, shame, guilt and sorrow. We hadn’t spoken since she had left, she later told me that she’d rung a number of times but I’d never answered.
I was happy to see her yet I felt myself at a loss for words. All I could do was smile meekly. She looked at me without reaction for what felt like minutes but was probably only a couple of seconds at most. Then her face began to crack into the most beautiful smile I have ever seen and she embraced me. We both began to weep, all I could say was “I’m sorry”. I wasn’t thinking about this at all at the time, but it must have been quite the sight for other shoppers.
After a brief detour I went back home with the woman I love. I won’t lie and say things were rosy right off the bat, because they weren’t. Over the months though we’ve worked at it, and I really busted my ass to make things right.
I decided that this was a chance to rebuild. Not just to return to the way things were but improve them. I now have a new job that I’m very happy with working for a close friend.
My Recommendation To You
Never push the people you love away from you. I was lucky. If it weren’t for a couple of coincidences and fortuitous events I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I’d either be in wallowing in bed or worse.
I don’t fully understand hypnosis and how it works but I know first hand that it does. It may have even saved my life.
As I mentioned before I am not a professional writer so I apologise for any mistakes or errors in the telling of my hypnosis success story. I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention the particular website which, along with the power of God, helped me on my road to recovery. The site was HypnoBusters. I’m not affiliated with them in anyway other than being an incredibly satisfied user of their products, but I would recommend anyone with an interest in experiencing hypnosis to go there as their first port of call. They’re not the easiest site to find but I’m incredibly thankful that I did.
Peace Be With You,
RIP Anne Marshall 1948-2009
P.S. Underneath this post there’s a great program being run by SocialVibe. By taking just a few minutes of your time to answer some questions you can earn the Noreen Fraser Foundation money. This money is put towards cancer research. I, along with millions of others, would deeply appreciate your help.